THE WATCHER

Don't let your website resize my browser window

2011-07-11T11:39:00.000-07:00

This pretty much sums up my thoughts on this subject.

2011-07-06T10:35:00.000-07:00

Breaking Bad

"When you have children, you will always have family. They will always be your priority, your responsibility. And a man…a man provides. And he does it even when he is not appreciated – or respected…or even loved. He simply bears up and he does it…because he’s a man."

- Breaking Bad, Gus to Walt

2011-06-01T10:52:00.000-07:00

Fathers, be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers, be good to your daughters too

On behalf of every man
Looking out for every girl
You are the god and the weight of her world

I'm not sure what I was searching for when I stumbled upon this. I think this sums up my daughters interests. One attends University of Cincinnati Conservatory of Music and one dances ballet with San Diego Ballet Academy. It is great to support their passions, but more importantly it is a blessing to see what kind of people they are becoming. I'm a lucky man.

2011-05-25T12:09:00.000-07:00

Who Am I?

Facebook
Yelp
Foursquare
Flickr
Tumblr
Digg
Twitter
Blogger
3G Design
YouTube
MySpace
LinkedIn
Vimeo
Posterous
StumbleUpon

I'm sure that I'm missing a few...that I should join...

I think I"ll become a designer

2011-02-23T12:01:00.000-08:00

Comfort Zone

2011-02-18T14:57:00.000-08:00

2010-05-21T11:02:00.000-07:00

I am a Soul.
I love this. I forget it too often.

2010-04-27T10:36:00.000-07:00

Jesus and the Dinosaur

I have a friend that collects Jesus kitsch. You know, bobble head Jesus, kung-fu Jesus, Keep on Truckin' Jesus and more.

According to Wikipedia...The (Kitsch) concept is associated with the deliberate use of elements that may be thought of as cultural icons while making cheap mass-produced objects that are unoriginal. Kitsch also refers to the types of art that are aesthetically deficient (whether or not being sentimental, glamorous, theatrical, or creative) and that make creative gestures which merely imitate the superficial appearances of art through repeated conventions and formulae.

That being said, how fun is this?

2010-04-07T07:47:00.000-07:00

As a graphic designer, I found this quote liberating. Graphic designers are problem solvers not logo factories. You have a problem, we solve it. Paul Rand (look him up) was a brilliant designer and basically told Steve Jobs that here is my best solution to your design 'problem'. No extra versions, no additional samples nothing. Finished. And...you will pay me for this (my) solution. You don't have to use it.

This designer had major sack.

http://gizmodo.com/5507353/my-way-or-the-highway

Everything Will be OK in the end

2010-03-29T22:13:00.000-07:00

2010-03-04T10:02:00.001-08:00

mnmlist : less

Stop buying unnecessary things.
Toss half your stuff, learn contentedness.
Reduce half again.
List 4 essential things in your life,
stop doing non-essential things.
Do these essentials first each day, clear distractions
focus on each moment.
Let go of attachment to doing, having more.
Fall in love with less.

2010-02-21T14:27:00.000-08:00

Visual communications and music have more in common than you might think – things like composition, rhythm and flow. When design works, it’s like a symphony – just as pleasing to the eye as well-crafted music is to the ear.

Found this quote online and it really rang true to me.

2010-01-12T00:09:00.000-08:00

The Family Prayer
"And Shepherds we shall be
For thee, my Lord, for thee.
Power hath descended forth from Thy hand
Our feet may swiftly carry out Thy commands.
So we shall flow a river forth to Thee
And teeming with souls shall it ever be.
In Nomeni Patri Et Fili Spiritus Sancti."

2010-01-03T18:37:00.000-08:00

It's a mystery how anyone can heal in a hospital. It's hard to sleep when you are in pain. Ray is getting better but not out of the woods yet.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

2010-01-02T15:01:00.000-08:00

010110

Yes, that's a 1 foot ruler next to a diseased colon. (ignore the date on the photo, glad the doc had the guts to take a photo anyway) My brother-in-law Ray had emergency surgery yesterday. Removing his colon saved his life. It was a very stressful day for our families. Trying to make life and death decisions while in emotional distress is mind numbing. He will have a long recovery. Keep Ray in your prayers.

2009-11-25T13:36:00.000-08:00

Notes from the Road

Vegas to Reno, Reno to Vegas, I've been driving this road my entire life. My first Vegas road trip was in high school for the State Tennis Championships. I didn't win, but I did get a glimpse into my future.

This summer I drove solo to Lake Tahoe. I finished a book on tape while traveling north, but on the trip home, I listened to my God Journey podcasts and took notes.

While trying to find my desk at the bottom of the stacks the paper I have accumulated I almost tossed my notes page out. Now, it's hard to take notes while driving 70 miles per hour, but I didn't want to loose them.

- Fear and insecurity cause you to clutch
- Castles in the Dirt
- We all want mercy for me and our friends, but what about(insert your own)
- Don't let (insert situation, institution) define who you are
- Live in the gifts of God, not the needs of Gregg
- When you get sifted like wheat, Gregg gets to end of Gregg
- The personal management of your soul seems daunting, when you first leave institutionalized religion
- Sin is when you think the world revolves around you
- "You know you've created God in your own image, when He hates all the same people you do." Anne Lamontt

2009-11-17T15:28:00.000-08:00

Bird By Bird

My precious bride Heidi loves birds. We feed them, look at them and laugh at them. There seems to be a renaissance for the love of birds. They are everywhere. Even on my HP printer test page.

2009-11-04T23:39:00.000-08:00

MOM holding Scott 1957

It will be 20 years ago tomorrow (Nov. 5th 1989) that my mom died. I still miss her. I wish she could have met Caitlin and Bronwyn. I saw this photo and she had that twinkle in her eye, I like to remember her like that. She is holding my brother Scott and she looks so beautiful. So here is to you Nancye Margaret Stokes, forever in my memory.

2009-10-02T13:05:00.000-07:00

Good TV, Bad TV

It started innocently enough, it always does. An email from Joost recommended a television show to watch. It was called Jericho. It was a show I never saw, so I watched show one, season one. And I was hooked. I burned through every episode they had posted and really enjoyed the story, the cast and the plot. Problem was they did not have all the episodes up on Joost, so I went a looking. I found some streaming media sites the filled in the gaps and my online-media journey began. Now, let me tell you, I don't just stop everything to watch TV on my computer screen. I'm a expert multi-tasker. I work my aps and have a little 640x480 screen open on my desktop and as the media runs, I work. It's like having the radio on...really, really good radio, with pictures. If the story is compelling enough, I glance down and catch the gist of the scene, if it's really good, I pause and give it a look. If it rocks my world, I may stop typing and become awash in the moment.

I recently heard on NPR that employers are finding that the new generation of workers are extremely adapt at multitasking. As long as performance is strong they can twitter, Facebook and stream media to their work PCs. One article I read calls it passive distractions, another says it's a sign of depression. Only time will tell with me.

There are actually only a couple of shows that I record in HD to watch at my leisure, whatever that is. Those are LOST, Heroes, Sarah Connor Chronicles and 30 Rock...everything else I'll stream what I get to it. That being said, here is a list of TV series that I have watched in the past 12 months, every episode; Jericho, LOST, Greys Anatomy, Heroes, Life, Fringe, 24, 30 Rock, The Office, Sarah Connor Chronicles, Rescue Me, Desperate Housewives, American Idol, Entourage, Six Feet Under, The Shield, Flight of the Concords, Arrested Development, 30 Days, Web Therapy, Green Wing, Dexter, Nurse Jackie, Warehouse 13, The Daily Show, The Colbert Report and Firefly; Glee; Flash Forward; Community, Fringe, Sons of Anarchy.

2009-06-10T19:09:00.000-07:00

David Garrett - Czardas (Live 2006)
Uploaded by goldrausch. - Music videos, artist interviews, concerts and more.

Violinist Super Model

Heard an interview with this German violinist David Garrett on NPR today. He trained with Isaac Perlman and went to Julliard. He supported himself at Julliard by modeling....go figure.

2009-06-04T22:39:00.000-07:00

The Wedding of the Quarter Century

Before this day is lost in the memories of work, orchestra, ballet, bug bites and neck pains, I would like to take a moment to ponder the significance of being married for twenty five years.

First, it has gone by in the blink of an eye. It seems like just yesterday that I was sporting the mustache and dancing on the boards. Our children were babies and our concerns were simple.

Twenty five years of life together creates memories and familiarity that cannot be measured by blogs or tweets. Life rolls on like the endless waves that crash upon the beaches of our being. We merely pass through and leave a trail of love that is washed away.

I have a vivid memory about getting married. I remember that I once told Heidi that we could both walk on the same path and see totally different things and that's what I loved about her. She would tell me what she saw and I'd listen and I'd tell her what I saw and she would listen. No judgment, just the beautiful ability to expand our own vision of what we know.

So we keep walking through this crazy, wonderful life together. Not perfect by any means, but together. A four-eyed married mess making small steps together.

On our silver anniversary...we're going for the gold.

2009-05-07T10:59:00.000-07:00

Dogs

Dogs they just listen and see what they see,
Look at the wall, look at the tree.
Look at the bird, look at the plane,
This old dogs life, stays always the same.

Sniff at the ground, turn and lay down,
With the cock of the head, you're ready for bed.
Too bored to stand, amazed at it all,
The pressures too great, to stare at the wall.

My eyes start to close, my head bobbs a little,
But my ears are awake, half way up to the middle.
I think I'll rest now, but I'll always be on guard,
For to some it's for naught, but I'm king of my yard!

_____________________

While doing a bit of cleaning in the garage, I found my old yellow notebook with this poem scribbled down. I read it to my girls who told me I should put it up on the old blog. Now, my marginal poetry is immortal. It did remind me that we did at one time have a couple of great dogs.

2009-04-27T08:37:00.000-07:00

Is Blogging Dead? Or is it just too complicated.

Where have all the bloggers gone?
Long time passing.
Where have all the bloggers gone,?
Long time ago.
Where have all the bloggers gone?
The networks have picked them ev'ry one.
Oh when will they ever learn?
Oh when will they ever learn?

My regular passers through will notice that I have succumbed to a new blogger template, only so I can have access to my archived blogs...also a shakeup was in order. Blogger has made it impossible to not use one of their 'gadgets' so my laundry list of blogging friend had to entered individually.

I last changed my blog style Sunday, Sept. 21, 2003 and lost all my previous posts...it's a shame, considering the reason I changed this time was to have access to all my tired old thoughts.

So what to do now that social networking has replaced blogging. Tweets and texts have overpowered complete thoughts. I was never really a frequent blogger, but a frequent blog reader of our community. Now most of us have changed from atrocity of MySpace to the organized splendor of Facebook. Is the blog dead? Is our community less vibrant now that we don't share as much online in blogs? I think so. I miss Cheryl's quirky look at basically everything and I loved reading Kelly Parkers random thoughts. So many great thinkers and writers have lost the time it takes to self indulge. Blogging is a discipline to say the least and it does take time to express oneself deftly. I can barely concentrate for 10 minutes let alone the time it takes to tell a story.

So long live the blog, get back in the saddle and write some prose.
Below is a list of bloggers that I have dropped. I know some of you visited my blog as merely a launching pad to find other blogs from our community. I've kept the active ones to the right ->....

I believe that Debbie Boyd has the blog with the oldest date, congratulations your secrets are safe.

Good-bye bloggers. Here's the list

Debbie Boyd
last blog ,Friday, January 16, 2004 "You ain't seen the end of me yet!!!" Perhaps we have.

Keith Bradley
Blog has been removed...what is that Keith up to now?

Dave Carder
last blog, Saturday, June 10, 2006, TRANSPLANT...Dave needs to write a book.

Cheryl Citizen
last blog, Sunday, June 15, 2008, The Lord Gives and He Has Taken Away...Cheryl come back to me...

Doug Citizen
last blog, Friday, November 16, 2007...Doug start a sketching blog....I'll hook you up...

Jules and Steven Col
last blog, Saturday, May 05, 2007, Fun in Vegas...we never seem to connect.

Tari Colbry
last blog, Wednesday, November 29, 2006, Thanksgiving...Missoula's gain is our loss...my first House Church was the Upper Room above her garage...

Sean Critchfield - Poet
last blog, Tuesday, December 04, 2007...slam poet and actor...

Sean Critchfield
last blog, 21st December 2008...world traveler

Tim Dunfield
last blog, Wednesday, September 21, 2005, september...Canadian friend...just started a new blog...yesterday there is hope

Paul Evans
last blog, Wednesday, March 17, 2004, Elijah Glenn Evans...my shoe guru

Andrew Harshman
last blog, Tuesday, August 28, 2007, Left Behind (The Rapture Song)...Andy

Tera Harshman
last blog, Thursday, June 19, 2008, My Blog has moved...and we followed

Greg Hubbard - Uncut
last blog, Tuesday, December 25, 2007, Awaiting Our King...my hero, vocation vs. avocation

Adam Hunt
last blog,
Thursday, August 18, 2005, Someone call a doctor!!!...huntlasvegas.com

Stephanie Lambert
Blog not found, Sorry, the blog you were looking for does not exist. However, the name nemo0204 is available to register!

Robb Lentz
last blog, Thursday, October 27, 2005...Land of goshen

Brad Linford
last blog, Sunday, February 22, 2009, Black Belt!...once a year doesn't cut it.

Marie Linford
last blog, Sunday, July 10, 2005, Working Mama...

John Matuszak
last blog, Saturday, September 16, 2006, Lightning...

Johnnny Miles
last blog, Friday, August 18, 2006, where have you been?...clowning around

Wayne Miles
last blog, Friday, January 06, 2006, Picture Memories...papa miles the best

Jeremy Ohl
last blog, Saturday, May 31, 2008, ?...??

Kelly Parker
last blog, Wednesday, May 17, 2006, Good News: Were All Younger Than We Thought...hugs

Kenny Parker
last blog, undetermined date, Our Last Flick, Pan's Labyrinth...great movie

Jacquie Patton
last blog, Monday, September 27, 2004, I'm back....kind of....kind of not

Joe Patton
last blog, Saturday, March 11, 2006, WHERE HAVE ALL THE MATTRESSES GONE????...downtown

Mehgann Peterson
last blog, Friday, January 18, 2008, An editorial voice I really enjoyed...she moved to facebook

Tommy Peterson
last blog, undetermined date, Chinese writing, empty space...

Gene Reinert
last blog, Wednesday, March 21, 2007, Blog Moved

Darren Relyea
Blog has been removed...very funny writer...come back to us

Carolyn Reynolds
last blog, Saturday, August 12, 2006, What you think about you bring about?...miss you

Jeremiah Smith
last blog, Monday, January 5, 2009, I'm on facebook...the oracle of truth...so has everyone else

Jim and Nik Sullivan
last blog, Monday, December 31, 2007, Recently...However they have a great launch page to all their social networking and photo sitesss

Heather Torrey
last blog, Tuesday, December 06, 2005, Dear Person Who Stole My Credit Cards...and my keyboard

Joel Vestal
last blog, Posted on Thursday, September 25, 2008, I have a new blog...

Phil Webster
This blog is open to invited readers only. It doesn't look like you have been invited to read this blog. If you think this is a mistake, you might want to contact the blog author and request an invitation. Hey Phil, I thought we were besties!

Bill Welter
last blog, Tuesday, July 24, 2007, Not Featured in the Brochure...but he's on facebook now...go figure.

That all for now...If you ever start posting again let me know and hook up up on my sidebar of shame.

2009-04-12T22:44:00.000-07:00

Risen

"Ehyeh asher ehyeh" is literally translated as "I-shall-be that I-shall-be, a beautiful and reassuring message from God to us. May we be available to Him always.

2009-03-03T15:38:00.000-08:00

Lord Vader and the Priests

A version of this photo was mentioned on the God Journey podcast. I googled it and found some additional shots here

2009-02-25T07:38:00.000-08:00

Worse. Road trip. Ever.

We don't travel easy...that's a fact. But an overnight trip to Salt Lake City seemed like a breeze. We left late for me, on Friday the 13th, after stopping at Einstein Bagels for a "let's get on the road lunch". Bronwyn, Heidi and I churned our way up the 15 on our journey, excited for the Valentine's day Ballet West Summer Intensive audition. Caitlin stayed behind for a violin competition and was safe at her Aunt Lynn's house.

Heidi felt a bit flu-ish and Bronwyn was occupied with her Game Boy Guitar Hero. I was sore from teaching spin the night before and a bit concerned about the impending snow storm that surrounded us. Yet the mighty mini-van pulled us through and God was gracious enough to give us dry roads all the way up to our Marriott hotel on the campus of the University of Utah.

Heidi's flu was getting worse so she took a nice hot bath. Bronwyn had a stuffy nose, so I journeyed out and found a Walgreens for some Dimetapp and a Rubio's for some food and then back to the hotel. So, with the time difference, the drive, and my sickly ladies, the audition, we all went to bed early.

I woke before the alarm and peaked out the window to see that it had snowed at least 5 inches overnight. Heidi informed me she was up all night with "gastrointestinal upset" and she was very tired and that I would have to attend the audition with Bronwyn, so she could rest.

No problem. Bronwyn got ready and I scrapped the snow off the van and we slowly found our way to the University dance center. The audition lasted about 3 hours and it never stopped snowing. I did not want to drive at night in a snow storm with a sick wife so we decided to stay another night. Another quick trip to Walgreen's for Imodium and to Whole Foods for organic saltine crackers and the Noodle place for some lunch and I was back to the hotel room to hunker down.

Heidi seemed to be getting stronger and was sipping her water and Bronwyn was satisfied with hanging out in the hotel room. I saw an IKEA while driving in and I needed a few things so I went off by myself to gas up and shop. While at IKEA I got the call to return to Walgreen's for Tylenol and that our TV was broken so we had to move rooms.

I got back to our old hotel room, moved all our stuff to the new one and settling back down, we watched some TV, I learned how to play guitar hero and we all drifted off to sleep around 9:00. Around 11ish, Heidi wakes up in real pain. She is obviously not well, and we urgently try to access the situation. I give Heidi some medication to see if that helps calm down the waves of pain. It does not. I ask Heidi what to do and she does not know. Now, after being married to Heidi for 24 years, the mere fact that she doesn't have the where-with-all to direct my every move and give me the spiritual reason behind it, is cause for emergency action. I slip on my pants, go to the front desk and have them call an ambulance. Oh yes, by this time Bronwyn is awake, crying and scared. I call Caitlin, explain the situation and she talks to Bronwyn. The EMTs arrive quickly and wheel the gurney up to room 312. The last question they asked Heidi is if she knew what day it was, she said Sunday morning, I said it was not Sunday morning yet, and the EMT looked at his watch said it will be in three seconds...happy Valentine's day. They wheel her out of the room, down the elevator, into the ambulance and whisk her off to the University Medical emergency room.

Bronwyn and I get dressed, go to the front desk for directions, and take off hoping to find our little bird. We eventually find the hospital, park and wander the halls until we locate Heidi. We see she is hooked up to an IV and getting fluids and pain medication and seems to be stable. The ER doc, wants to get a CT scan and keep her overnight. Bronwyn is so tired from her day of dancing that she is falling asleep on my lap, so we brave the freezing weather again and head back to the hotel to rest.

After an restless night, around 6:30 a.m., I get a text messages from a friend and I get up to call the hospital to see what the plan is. They say she is sleeping and want her to rest for a while longer but, the CT scan was clear, call back in an hour. I talk to Heidi around 8:00 a.m. and they want to release her and the doctor thinks it's Pancreatitis, but not sure. I pack up the car, Bronwyn and I get some breakfast and we're off to the emergency room.

The ride home to Las Vegas was rough at best. We laid down the mighty mini-van seats and made a lumpy bed for Heidi. She had to use the "puke bucket" several times on the way home and Bronwyn's ears started to hurt badly with change in pressure and her sinus infection. So between the smell and the crying, it made the last two hours to Vegas seem like ten.

We arrived at home and it has never felt so good to walk into my house. Being out of control in an unfamiliar place is a nightmare for me. Yet, God was merciful and I was able to be strong when I usually would have cracked. I had a few pity parties, but they were quickly vanquished by the needs of my family. Heidi has since followed up with her GI doc and they are chalking it up to a gastric virus. That's good news.

2009-02-07T10:36:00.000-08:00

Music

2009-01-12T19:59:00.000-08:00

The Magic Box

2009-01-01T13:43:00.000-08:00

The Bird Feeder

Outside our bay window we have two bird feeders. We love to watch the birds come and fill up on the buffet of seed we provide. Over the years we have noticed more and more species coming into our yard. Perhaps the trees are mature and provide cover, perhaps more people mean more birds for Las Vegas. For the first time ever we have a pair of Robins nesting in trees next to our yard.

Yet as fate would have it, I noticed for the first time some predators flying around the skies above my section of town.

Last week, early in the morning, I heard a smashing sound hit our bay window. Typically it's just a bird thinking the reflection is open sky and suddenly finding itself smacked into reality. This was louder than that. I glanced out the window through the side shade to see a hawk perched above his prey.

It was sad yet exciting. Now in addition to chasing our cat away when she gets hungry for some meat, we have to glance up at the sky for the occasional swooping shadow.

Happy New Year.

2008-12-14T13:12:00.000-08:00

Smart Meter? Dumb Guy?

On November 22, I went to the Nevada School of the Arts Gala at the 5th Street School in downtown Las Vegas. We arrived at 6:30 p.m. as my daughter was one of the violinists. As I was parking my car, in the exact same lot that I was just at on Monday, a bearded man came running up to me waving his arms, “You can’t park here,” he says. I tell him, “I just parked here on Monday and my daughter was a performer”. He said, “The city has taken these spaces and they have to be available to city employees 24/7.” “You have got to be joking,” I say. He says, “You have to find parking on the street or in the justice hall parking lot across the street”. Now mind you the event starts at 7 p.m. and there were over 30 empty spots he was protecting and the few metered spots were full. He told me that the city had taken the parking spots away from the School’s parking lot and just catty-corner was an entire empty city employee parking lot! He also told me that people wanted these spots available so they did not have to cross the street! I was shocked, this is a school of the arts with hundreds of parents bringing their children here weekly for music and art lessons and the city took away dozens of revenue generating metered parking spaces so a handful of city employees did not have to cross the street! I looked down at fresh new pavement where the parking space numbers were only a week ago, and they had been scrapped off completely. To add insult to injury, the parking lot meter terminal, was still accepting money for the spots that we were not allowed to park in. I was informed of this by a friend who grumbled to me from her car as she passed by to find some street parking after she had just paid for now unattainable space.

So, I drove around the block to the justice center parking garage to park my car. I parked in spot number one and had to walk way across the lot to find the parking meter terminal and swiped my credit card. I paid $4 for four hours of parking, figuring that the Gala would be over by then. I turned away from the meter and I discovered two quarters in my pocket and decided to put them in for a buffer. I walked back to the meter and checked space one only to find out that I had mistakenly hit the number 1 twice and paid for spot number 11. Crap. I decided to get into my car and move it to space 11. As I was walking back to my car a glancing around to find space number 11 and I could not find it. There was no space 11. Somewhere after spot 5 or 6 the next dozen or more spots numbers were scrapped off and reserved for tenant parking. Holy crap! I just paid $4 for a parking space that did not exist. How in the world if the space is not available to park in is it still available in the meter terminal? I should not have been able to pay for spot 11 if it was not available to park in. I walked back to the meter terminal and carefully paid another $4 for spot number one, this time cursing the city, technology and my carelessness.

As I was walking back, the fifty yards to my car, for the fourth time, a security guard riding his segway, comes whizzing into the garage. I wave my arms and flag him down, he rides over and I explained my situation to an obviously uninterested city employee who did not have the authority to refund me to me $4 for the unavailable spot number 11. He said if only he had only shown up a bit earlier he would have noted it and let me park in spot one without paying the additional $4. “Thanks,” I said, and he also told me that you did not have pay for metered parking after 8 p.m. I looked around and no mention of that was posted anywhere in sight. This added insult to injury. I just paid for 8 hours of parking when all I needed was one. You would think that the computerized metered terminals, which are smart enough to take a credit card and calculate time and space would have not let me pay for a spot not available. Shouldn’t a computerized meter be programmed to not take money beyond what is required? So now it is 7 p.m., I’m in my fancy suit and tie, I’ve walked at least half a mile, spent $8 just to park my car across the street, paid for a parking spot that did not exist, repaid for the correct spot, all so some city employee didn’t have to cross the street. I needed a drink, stat.

2008-11-05T23:02:00.000-08:00

The Crossing

Being fiscally conservative and doing my best to live within my means, I keep a watchful eye on my finances. Heidi and I bought our first house in 1984. Like most homeowners, our mortgage payment has been our largest single monthly expense and the other costs of living have cascaded down from that. At one point in my home owning life, I sold an expensive home due to the high mortgage payment and down-sized into my current home. I knew this large payment would severely restrict what I could provide for my family. If I was chained to a mortgage payment that neared 50% of my income those dance and violin lessons would be hard to handle. It was a great financial move for us and it afforded me the freedom to start my own business and do great things for my children.

However, owning your own business brings new costs as opposed to being an employee. Quarterly taxes, business license fees, incorporating and the big one, health care.

Private health care in 2003 was a major decision and after I did exhaustive research, I chose a Health Savings Account. In 2003, a low monthly payment, a $5000 deductible was a financially responsible choice. The promise of this type of health insurance was lower rates and the ability to invest the difference in a personal Health Savings Account. In 2003, I paid around $370 a month and saved $300 a month into my HSA, which was also tax deductible. Fast forward five years and as you can see from the chart, my premiums have increased almost 300%.

Starting in November, I will now be paying more for health insurance than my mortgage payment. That is the crossing.

You can also see from the chart that my insurance company can raise the rates indiscriminately, sometimes twice a year. This random rate increase with no end in sight is a frightening prospect for me. Even before our recent health trials, I tried to get lower rates, but our family was declined from every major health care provider for various reasons. I was effectively locked out of shopping for better rates. It seems that insurance companies only want to ensure the healthy. So, I’m trapped with my current health care provider. They cannot drop me as long as I pay the premiums, but they can jack it up indiscriminately forever. My fear is that a day will come when I will have to make that fateful decision whether I can afford health insurance or not. I want to pay my fair share, but with no end in sight, it is depressing.

This election was critical for health care issues. In my opinion, every other issue was a distraction. What we need is affordable health care, not for-profit health insurance. We need to be able to shop plans across state lines without pre-existing conditions being a factor. It is a national disgrace that 50% of all bankruptcies are because of medical expenses. The US spends 6 times more on administration of health the care system than is peer Western European Nations. The health insurance racket earnings profits are going through the roof.

This crossing is frightening, it has no end, and it could destroy us financially. It is changing the way we live like no other expense. Until something changes, we are chained to gluttonous system that is self protecting and endlessly expensive. The economy, the war, education, energy, environment, and security are all for not if you are not healthy enough to fight for them. Fight for health care change.

2008-08-25T12:11:00.000-07:00

Mists of Time..

Look not mournfully into the past. It comes not back again. Wisely improve the present. It is thine. Go forth to meet the shadowy future, without fear.

Henry Wadsworth Longfellow (1807 - 1882)

I found this on flickr, Maureen F. photostream
http://www.flickr.com/photos/madcheeper/

2008-07-18T22:09:00.000-07:00

"I like to Kick, Stretch... and KICK!"

You know something is up when you start getting these in the mail!

2008-06-22T20:26:00.000-07:00

A Sacred Place

I was not prepared to see my first chemotherapy room. It was a pilgrimage of necessity not desire. I didn’t want to be here, this room, this awful cold calculating room, where percentages and hope intertwine with toxins. This room, where you leave a bit less then when you came, this room where all life stops just long enough to let you know that all life stops.

If you have never been to a chemo room, imagine four or more industrial reclining loungers side by side, facing four or more identical reclining loungers. These pods are multiplied as big as the room will permit, with a few scattered fillers to pack the space. One wall made entirely of windows helps you feel unconfined in a place where you feel trapped. Between each chair is a shiny metal stand with two arms on wheels with a pump clamped to it. Each chrome tree holds treatments; these bags of medicine hang upside down like transparent bats, multiplying as the room fills up with patients. As you gaze over the horizon of chair backs you see dozens of stands holding the countless chemotherapy bags that endlessly drip into the patients. Most the liquids are colorless, but some are the glowing orange, red and yellow, brighter than highlighters, something you would never put in your body, yet they do. Some of the bags are gallons and some as small as thimbles. These rooms are a testament to the efficient delivery of the miracle of modern medicine, yet they seem chaotic and uncontrolled, more improvised; the art of medicine.

There is a reverent atmosphere in the room as oncology nurses scatter about attending to patients, trying to make the infusions bearable. You can’t help but look around into the faces and watch patients color drain out in time to the chemotherapy going in. I see caregivers age before my eyes as they watch their loved ones endure treatments. There is some small talk and various distractions to pass the endless hours, but in reality it is just barely tolerable.

Yet somehow, these rooms are filled with hope. You wouldn’t be there if you didn’t have hope. You hope that you survive the treatments and you hope that your personal chemical makeup is receptive to your chemo cocktail so you will have a survival story to tell someday. You hope.

Chemotherapy rooms are also places where you shouldn’t be alone. This is a space where a friendly face is a life line to something familiar. Even if you don’t say a word, you can make a difference by being present and sharing a moment in time. This place changes you forever, this place, this sacred place.

2008-02-04T19:53:00.000-08:00

Withering Willow

I’m a bit surprised that the evangelical story of the year (according to a few pundits) gets little or no press from my fellow bloggers. What? After countless years and millions of dollars sunk into their seeker-sensitive model, Willow Creek admitted in November 2007, that there is no correlation between participation in their expensive programs and someone’s personal growth in Christ. When I heard this, I was not so much shocked as I was reassured about my decision to leave the mega-church milieu. It was time to graduate.

I give the Willow management props for commissioning the study. However, when you refer to and treat the body like customers, you run the risk of commoditizing the message. The more customers you get, the better your numbers. The better your numbers, the bigger machine you need. The bigger the machine, the more it takes to keep it running. So you have to cast a wide net. The fish at the top are easy to catch and feed, while the deeper ones must fend for themselves.

I still have issues with big churches. Org charts and hierarchies are what it takes to run an institution. If you are one of the lucky ones you get connected. Almost every one of my fellow free-range Christian brothers and sisters were a direct or indirect result of mega-church relationships. Relationships are imperative, not programs.

With any church experience (mega, micro, macro, house, none) you have to let go of the bad and hang onto the good. You have to hold on loosely to things that are not important and keep your eyes on the One who is pure love. You have to be the church, not do church. Love whom God puts in front of you today, that is the church.

Below are some links about the Willow Creek information.

The Willow Creek Implosion!
Reveal
A shocking confession from Willow Creek Community Church Leaders
Time to ditch a broken discipleship model
Church Growth Movement Fall Down and Go Boom!
Willow Creek's Confession
Willow Creek's Malnourished Christians Seeker-Sensitive Failure?
Willow Creek Repents

2007-12-17T13:55:00.000-08:00

Wisdom

Over a year ago I listened to a book on tape called "So You Don't Want to Go to Church Anymore" by Jake Coleson. The last chapter of that book on tape is a conversation with the authors, Wayne Jacobsen and Dave Coleman. Jake Colsen is a pseudonym for the combined work of two long-time friends, colleagues and fellow-travelers, Wayne and Dave. In that one audio conversation God Journey Heidi and I were mesmerized by Dave Coleman. Dave's wisdom and insight poured through and we wished they would have let him speak more.

Because of Heidi's trial, I wrote so many email's to my brothers and sisters in Christ. During this time Dave Coleman's name kept coming to my mind. I started a couple of emails to him but they stayed in my drafts folder for over a month. I finally sent the email and received back the most incredible, deep personal response I could have ever imagined. My initial thought was that I wish all my friends could read it. Much to my surprise, someone posted it for me. Read it when you get a chance, it is beautiful. Best Cancer Counsel Ever!

2007-12-09T13:15:00.000-08:00

Shock and Awe and Wonder

I have been out of it lately. The distress of Heidi’s cancer has left me in a spiritual wasteland. I swing from hope to despair on a moment’s notice. Things that seemed important two months ago disappeared into a shallow pool of insignificance. What I thought were plans I see now as distractions. I have no control, only hope.

Friends have offered us soul nourishing encouragement through scripture, food, prayer and love. One of my favorite scriptures to meditate on is Psalm 91…”He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty…” I try to focus on what dwelling means to me, what shelter means to me and what rest means to me. I ask God to help me dwell in His shelter and protect my family and give us moments of peace. The remainder of the verse is equally powerful, equally as awe inspiring.

My friend Sandy sent me a link to the song above. It really hit me like a ton of bricks. First of all it is a powerful song, beautifully sung. Second, it started my “mind grapes” to ponder my “church life” journey with Christ. Jesus has taken me from small traditional churches, to mega-churches, to house churches, to no churches. At each juncture, I have shed the baggage of the past and pressed on with Christ. I am guilty of assuming that I have stumbled on the best way to do Church. Looking back I see the consistency of how Christ has journeyed with my adventures in community. My hindsight reveals only beautiful faces, hopeful eyes and giving communities. My journey changed, His didn’t.

2007-10-21T11:15:00.000-07:00

The Big C

Nothing prepares your heart to hear a doctor say the c word. Our days have been filled with anxiety, fear and hope. We wait not knowing but believing. We do not know what the future has in store for us, except for the big c...CHANGE.

I come to the garden alone,
While the dew is still on the roses;
And the voice I hear, falling on my ear,
The Son of God discloses
And He walks with me, and He talks with me,
And He tells me I am His own,
And the joy we share as we tarry there,
None other has ever known.

2007-09-21T12:03:00.000-07:00

Ron Paul Revolution

I am captivated by Dr. Ron Paul and his bid to be the next President of the United States.

2007-07-04T13:00:00.001-07:00

What's the buzz? Tell me what's a-happening.

APOSTLES

What's the buzz?

Tell me what's a-happening. (Repeat 8 times)

JESUS

Why should you want to know?

Don't you mind about the future?

Don't you try to think ahead?

Save tomorrow for tomorrow;

Think about today instead.

Ah the theatre…I have been absent for so long, I did not think I would remember her. The audition, the call backs, the disappointment, the decision, the chorus, the rehearsals, the singing, the dancing, the laughing, the blocking, the character studies, the theatre games, the youth, the camaraderie, all strike chords in my life.

However, this is community theatre, remember “Waiting for Guffman?” The bankers, Realtors, students, car washers, shoe salesmen, chauffeurs, brokers, managers, engineers, social workers, call center employees and everyone else, coming together to “do a show” and have an experience.

Participating in JCS has revived forgotten memories and reintroduced me to my actor’s soul. As Manny, from A Bug’s Life says so eloquently “You’ve rekindled the long dormant embers of purpose in our lives!”

Whether it is my new purpose or not, I’m back on the boards and it feels good. One time I asked Caitlin if she could sum up her experience at the Las Vegas Youth Orchestra in one word, she said “drama!” Well she is correct, drama swirls around artists like flies on carcasses. Most of the cast members have “history” together and as an outsider, I am given the opportunity to observe the play with-in the play, very amusing indeed. Young and old, (I’m the oldest) gather to do what thespians do best, we pretend. Pretending to be ancient Jews trying to figure out if this Jesus character is God incarnate or just a snake oil salesman, we want a warrior to help us defeat the Romans, yet He offers parables and pacifism.

We start rehearsing on the set this Thursday and I am excited to see what this will bring. Don’t forget to come out and bring your blanket, food, wine and friends. The play runs August 8-11, 15-18, 22-25 at the Spring Mountain Ranch State Park.

"So don't ever worry about tomorrow. After all, tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. Stop Judging! Matthew 6:34

2007-06-11T20:51:00.001-07:00

It's a new dawn it’s a new day it’s a new life…

It’s time to reflect and a time to celebrate. After ten years Apex is still growing, still dreaming and still together. We are soon to be with out a paid Pastor yet we overflow with leadership.

“Is that thing still going on?” I was asked recently. “I thought you were going to the Crossing,” said a former ministry team member.

Yes, Apex is still going strong and I’ve never even been to the Crossing. I am in fellowship with the most incredible family of people that I have ever met. We love each other and are living this whacked out life together in unpredictable, improvised, unscripted and unusual ways. We welcome new people yet cherish the regulars. We have few rituals and even fewer rules except for “Know and be known, Love and be Loved.”

I did a quick slide show of some photos that I have taken over the past few years. Here is a link to the file.

If you want to download the file, right click the link and "save as" to the place where you keep such files on your hard drive.

2006-11-09T23:36:00.000-08:00

It’s a Wrap

How can you say no when those baby blues look you in the eye and ask for the prize. The prize they legitimately won having secured the elusive Tootsie Pop wrapper with the Indian shooting at a star. I folded it neatly and placed it into my wallet and had scheduled a quick stop to…where? I literally did not know where to go. Should I drive to a supermarket, a gas station or a corner drug store to get the prize? What would that prize be? I had a vague recollection of this story from my childhood; a playground rumor that I blindly assumed was the truth. I didn’t stop at any markets; I came home and checked the online to see if this was indeed an urban legend. I went directly to the source, toosie.com. There I discovered that:

“Many years ago, a rumor surfaced that said if the wrapper of a Tootsie Pop with a star was found and returned to the company, a free Tootsie Pop, or any number of things would be sent to the lucky person. We truly don't know why or where this rumor started, as our records do not indicate that our company ever sponsored any type of promotion surrounding images on the wrapper.”

This was not the news I had hoped for. I anticipated finding an address of participating stores, or an address that I could send the wrapper to. More research revealed that Tootsie Roll Industries have been politely deflecting mail-in requests for free Tootsie Pops since the 1930’s. I also found out the American Indian shooting an arrow at a star is on over one-third of all Tootsie Pop wrappers, not so unique after all.

All this news made me sad, what a great myth, what a great marketing opportunity to print not so many and actually give away prizes, have they not heard of Willy Wonka? With candy that costs fractions of pennies, how hard would it be to give away a few extra million? I read that some clerks actually give children who present the wrappers a free Tootsie Pop! It would be smarter to send my blue eyed wonder to deliver the wrapper and take her chances. Who knows, with an almost seventy year old legend to contend with, she might find a sympathetic clerk who doesn’t want to squash the wonder and delight that children find in believing that free candy is only a wrapper away.

2006-09-16T23:35:00.000-07:00

Inspiration

I have been listening to Wayne Jacobsen's Trasnition: Moving from Religious Thinking to Relational Living CD Series. I missed hanging with him when he taught at Apex, but have enjoyed reading his thoughts via his blogs, podcasts and website.

He is giving this 8 hours of teaching away FREE and I cannot express enough how fantastic it is to listen to his story of breaking free of religion.

You can download it FREE from here, or you can go to http://www.lifestream.org/transition/transition.html

This series is a blessing.

2006-08-23T00:00:00.000-07:00

You Look Like…

This is a question that I’m sure we all have been asked, “Has anyone ever told you that you look exactly like…” Well, it seems that I have had more than my share of this phenomenon. I am truly amazed at the bravado some people share with me about the absolute positive identification they perceive. Many people would only call me by the “name” they thought that I looked like, only after they determined that I would not be offended. One such event occurred while I worked at Mervyn's during my college years. This customer came in weekly and called me “John Ritter” the entire four straight years! A fellow dancer called me “Gentle Ben” for years and my father-in law called me Clint Eastwood.

Recently, in Vancouver, a classmate told me that, “You must have heard this a million times,” that you look exactly like Russell Crowe, actually a first for me. So, as you look at this series of photos, just remember that these are actual photos of the people who I have been told I look like.

If you really stare at the group of people above, you will notice several striking similarities. The major one is the massive foreheads, indicating intelligence I’m assuming.

I like playing this game too; I believe that Joe Boyd could play the life story of Hugh Jackman, Tommy Peterson has a young Jim Nabors thing going on and Jim Nyberg is Tom Cruise (my daughter actually told me this). So, let this be a springboard to your imagination as we try to mix and match celebrity faces to our community. Let the games begin. I’ll be happy to provide proof of the good ones.

2006-06-29T23:47:00.000-07:00

We’re not in Kansas anymore

For ten days my daughter and I lived in Ottawa, Kansas. She was creating beautiful music, while I was left to explore a city frozen in time. Ottawa’s Population was 12,500 in 2004 and this quaint town oozed of red, white and blue Americana. Street names like Willow and Cedar intersected with first through Fifteenth Street. Grass was everywhere, if you had a sit-down lawn mower, you would be Midwest Bill Gates. Hundred foot high oak trees lined streets paved with bricks. It is a place where the youth want to get the hell out and the elderly have the hospice on speed dial. A few yuppies have tricked in but they were well hidden. As a world traveler I was mesmerized by my first visit to a prairie state. “Look out for rain and find the tornado basements” I was warned upon my departure. Yes, it was humid but they had frigid air conditioning. Why didn’t anyone tell me the Midwest was so freaking beautiful?

I have a creepy habit when I travel; I always price real estate, looking for some way out of Las Vegas. It’s like a game of chess, what could I sell my home for and buy a house for cash and keep working remotely to just keep food on the table. Of course, I don’t want any hellish heat or the crazy snow, just something absolutely perfect, my happy ever after, knowing full well it may actually be right under my nose.

2006-04-27T23:01:00.000-07:00

What’s so special about a sunrise?

It was early, it was cold and it was dark. I don’t know how many sunrises I’ve seen in my life, but most have been associated with work, travel or fishing. The chance of seeing another sunrise on Easter was more of a novelty, something I knew people did, but I had never done. Yet, I was determined to wake the family and get that experience checked off my list of things to do.

Like many family gatherings, we were running a bit late, getting a little agitated and squabbling about directions. We arrived at Lone Mountain Park, found our peeps and buzzed around each other gathering drops of pollen to feed our souls. Our church didn’t have a show planned. It was simply being together that provided the dialogue, catching up with everyone provided the blocking, and the direction came from the east.

Before the sun rose there was a radiance. Our eyes, having adjusted to darkness, welcomed the amber luster that provided abundant brightness. The conversations trickled off and our star peeked over the horizon. All eyes were on the sun, all hearts beat as one. After that, the magic happened. A pink blush covered all our faces and we were young again. Silently staring at the rising sun, dwelling on the risen Son, we gazed at providence.

2006-01-07T23:57:00.000-08:00

6985th place, in your face!

I finished. I was witness to a miracle as my knees, calves and hips allowed me to run the 26.2 miles on a freezing Sunday morning in December. I don’t want to brag or anything, but there were over 4000 people behind me that I pretty much left in the dust. I averaged 13.664 minutes per mile and placed 636 in my division. I know, I know, throwing these kinds of astronomical numbers around is somewhat staggering, but when one reaches the blazing speeds I was maintaining, you just have to do the math.

Honestly, every step was a miracle and I learned many valuable spiritual lessons while training and during the run itself.

2005-12-09T11:23:00.000-08:00

Land O’Goshen, Robb’s a bloggin’

Welcome to the blogosphere our very own Robb Lentz. He has only posted a few times but I believe that with a little encouragement Robb will provide plenty of laughs for us with his insights, wit and wisdom...

2005-11-07T22:29:00.000-08:00

Two Bird Funerals and a Microphone

It was a season of birds. Our landscape is maturing and with that, the trees are becoming a refuge for Gods avionic miracles. I love bird songs. When I was a young boy in Sparks, I could whistle every bird noise I ever heard. I'd listen to the birds sing and then whistle it back to them. In stunned silence the birds would become quiet. I imagined them contemplating the familiar but slightly odd song and then slowly they would return to their chorus, accepting the strange new tone to their community. I was no threat, just different.

Our cats too like the new bird sanctuary. It provides endless hours of enjoyment as they attempt, in what would seem to be a miracle, to actually catch a bird. But nature finds a way and our cat’s love us dearly, so we were the reluctant recipients of two badly wounded bird presents. Each little bird desperately tried to live and we did our best to give them a safe dry place with food, water and no cats. But, they succumbed to their hidden wounds and died in our care. Each bird death was met with crying and a general anger at our cats as well as cats in general that would do such deeds. The funerals were short and sweet, but they did provide closure to these sweet little creatures’ lives. One is buried under our African Sumac and the other under a bottom stone in our rock wall. They are missed.

This month I also had my directorial debut for a music video production project. I had complete control of the process and even had the pleasure of hiring Joe Boyd to play the lead. I enjoyed the power and have a new found respect for directors. Joe was very professional and took direction and kept the cast and crew laughing with his improvisation skills. I look forward to casting him again.

As far as my marathon goes, I have run 16 miles and several times and have unfortunately discovered that I have terrible knee problems. It could be due to running over 105 miles last month. The intense pain eventually goes away, but when the pain begins it takes over and it becomes so unbearable, I cannot run at all and have to walk. So, I hope that I can somehow train my way out of this pain, strengthen my knees and complete the marathon, but if I have to stop, so be it. That is a very hard lesson.

I had the chance to speak to a world class marathon runner last week and she told me finishing the race is great, but even more important is the experience, the preparation and the training. I agree with her, it has been the most intense physical thing I have ever attempted and I have discovered a lot about myself. I am weak. So, there are several things I know for sure. One, I will start the race and run until my Iliotibial Band Syndrome and stubborn Irish pride comes to a head. And two, God willing it will be at or around the twenty six mile three hundred and eighty five yard mark.

2005-08-31T22:42:00.000-07:00

Seven Mile Itch

“Run Gregg, run,” said my brain to my body, my knees respond, “ouch.” So began my silent solo quest to train for the upcoming Las Vegas Marathon. I started on August fourth which will give me exactly four months of solid preparation to endure the 26.2 mile run. I’ve never run a marathon but have always fancied to. I don’t care about my time, I just want to finish, alive, upright.

I looked up online on how a beginner trains for a marathon, lots of great ideas but way too much “running” to squeeze into my busy life. I am a gym rat so running has to replace either cycling or TKB or be added to my already packed work out regime.

So, I ask myself, “Why the hell does a 47 year old, 180 pound semi-balding man work out so hard for in the first place?” I suppose it is because I don’t want to be one of those guys you have to bury in a piano crate, since that is who I really am. But in truth, it is so I can physically keep up with my children and of course I still want to look good in a g-string, old habits die hard. By the way, I still look unbelievable in a g-string; all you have to do is, have a couple of drinks, stand back a few yards, squint your eyes and pretend it’s 1985, it’s magic, really.

August’s training schedule went pretty good; it saw me regularly running 5 miles, all at once, in a pretty good time. I’m keeping a detailed excel spreadsheet (can you say anal) of all my training and times so I too can publish my very own How to Train for Your First Marathon in only Four Months online journal. I have done some advanced mathematic formulas based on my first month of training and I will probably finish the race close to the six hour mark.

Did you hear that? Six friggin’ hours! Trust me, I’ve given that a lot of thought and I have discovered that in my life, as it stands now, I cannot do anything for six hours. I can’t sit, I can’t read, I can’t type, I can’t talk, I can’t sleep, I repeat I cannot do anything for six hours in a row. Now I have committed to run for that long, it haunts me.

I’ve been longing to run seven miles this month. I was not going to push for seven until September, but five was getting routine and I needed to dip my toes into the next level of my “plan”. I mapped out my course and did the deed on Sunday, up hill for 3.6 and down home. It kicked my ass, but so did five miles when I first did it.

I know that there are other closet marathoners in our community and I would love to hear your stories too.

2005-07-27T23:40:00.000-07:00

Guys Night Out!

Some of my greatest friends in the world gathered at the Fremont Street experience on July 23 to just hang out. I was late and missed the eating part, but got to hang out. We smoked some cigars and wandered the freak show and had casual conversation. We didn’t go too deep but, just to be in the presence of friends made me feel connected to the universe, connected to God. However, during our loop we encountered a few "zealous" banner carrying evangelicals. You can see by the sign they were ready for battle with the whore mongers and sinners. One digitally enhanced sign bearer carried the Bible on a PDA and whipped out scriptures faster than a dog after a bone. The problem, however, was he ended up in more confrontations than conversions, and the yelling matches were more entertaining than the bad country western band. I was left wondering what a bad taste of Jesus this fellow left in the mouths of the tourists. Maybe, just maybe, a table with some free icy cold water and a foot washing tub may have served his purpose best.

I have been tagged by Kenny as to my reading habits, so here goes:

How many books do you own?
50 or so mostly design stuff and some odd production things. Heidi is my book Yoda. (If you count Heidi’s, community property and all, it’s probably in the 500+ range)

What was the last book you bought?
Searching for God Knows What by Donald Miller

What was the last book you read?
Blue Like Jazz by Donald Miller

Name 5 Books that mean something to you.
Evidence that Demands a Verdict by Josh McDowell, I read this one time when I was questioning God and It touched a nerve in my heart.

The Life of Pi by Yann Martel, my wife and her friend Kristine read it and wanted me to read it and I did and it was a wonderful fable and journey. It was full of surprises and I actually had to reread some parts to put it all together.

Lord of the Rings by JRR Tolkien, (4 Books I’ll count as one), before the first movie came out I read all four books and was touched by each character and the journey they took. It seems during a good read, I tend to think in the meter of the writer and so I was thinking in Middle Earth for months and months.

The Chronicles of Narnia by C.S. Lewis, after I read the LOR my daughter Caitlin challenged me to read something she read. I loved these stories and have only gotten up to book 5 but I promise I will finish them. They are laced love, imagination and inspiration.

Centennial by James Michener, It was the first monster book I ever read and I was swept away by the imagery and characters.

I tag Darren Relyea and Adam Hunt.

2005-05-11T10:02:00.000-07:00

Mothers Day

Whenever I see a lilac I think of my mother. Sunday, I went to Star Nursery and was enjoying a walk amongst the rows and rows of plants. For some reason a lovely green bush caught my eye. I flipped over the information card that was attached to a branch and saw that is was a Persian Lilac. My mind was flooded with memories of the two huge lilac bushes we had when I was a child. They were at least 15ft tall and yearly provided an over abundance of luscious purple flowers and a wafting of smells that signaled spring had finally arrived. For some reason, I was the type of little boy who loved cutting flowers and giving them to my mom. She would swoon at my thoughtfulness and immediately put them in a vase to display for the entire family. It was a spring ritual, I would bring the bounty and she would display the goods. A lump formed in my throat and I swooped up the lovely young bush and put it in my red wagon and wandered the nursery until I was composed enough to check out. Although I was in the midst of mother’s day, I really had no significant thoughts about my mother, yet somehow a little lilac bush brought her back to me if for only a moment. I have since planted the bush in my yard and hope to remember her more often.

Sunday we celebrated mother’s day for another great mother, my wife. She pours her soul into our children and for that I will always love her. She shares with them lessons that will last long after they are out of our protective care. She cares for their eternal souls and dreams great things for them. She teaches them things I am incapable of seeing and feeling. Thank God we have her.

2005-03-28T23:09:00.000-08:00

Welcome Back Sam

Samantha St. Ours has started a blog and is sharing her life with us again. Sam moved to Kentucky and we have missed having her here in our community. I have added Sam's link to my sidebar or you can just click here to catch up with her. Hi Sam!

2005-01-28T13:05:00.000-08:00

Who’s Got Your Back?

Super Dave Carder is my friend. Dave has ‘got my back’ and I cannot say that about many people. Dave is a leader and a dreamer. Dave brings to me and the Apex Community the unique perspective of a warrior who loves the Lord. Dave knows that every moment is a gift from God and the important things are not gotten but given. I will miss my Dave, my Amy, my Andy, my Jessie, my Jake and my Eliza, each Carder unique and each adorable.

Amy’s ‘got my back’ too, and I can’t say that about many people. Amy’s gifts of hospitality and organization, as well as putting up with the likes of Dave, make her blessed among women. Amy, I will miss knowing you are right around the corner and available at a moment’s notice, a privilege I used many times.

The Carders are in my prayers and thoughts. I can only imagine the adventures and experiences that they will have in Iceland and the memories they will share with us on their return. I can only hope Iceland has been warned about the “brood” from Vegas that will be unleashed upon the great northern tundra.

To the Carder family, we love you, we pray for your safe journey and return. But, until then, Jesus will have your back. I know He does and I can’t say that about too many people.

2004-11-15T10:24:00.000-08:00

Canyons

I guess I have not blogged because I have been busy, busy about my Fathers business. It truly is a season of healing.

I have had much to say but felt compelled to wait and gather my thoughts before letting loose the dogs of my mind. I have been down the paths of national elections, mental illness and the usual Stokes family stresses.

This presidential election was very unique. I was one of the undecided, tormented voters who had to painstakingly study and pray to come up with my own personal conclusions on the matter. I have never seen such public displays of hatred for politicians on both sides. My many red and blue state friends are not surprisingly still my red and blue state friends today. Vote Jesus!

Our family has journeyed with a fellow brother on a trip of self discovery and we have been blessed by the unique perspective of being inside the frame of another person’s life. When you take the steps to help others, you discover very quickly that you are the one being blessed; it is the irony of participating in the love of Christ.

We have also opened our home to a “planned” spiritual event that has helped me to see our home as His home. Not bad for a home-a-phobic like me.

We traveled with brothers and sisters to Zion and we experienced Gods love us by seeing a glimpse of a place considered to be perfect or ideal, Zion.

I feel a new spirit in our community, it has always been there, but buried under process and lost dreams. Broken people deliver good news.

So along with piano lessons, violin lessons, dysfunctional family matters, recitals, work, home schooling, baseboards, singing, working, working out, Thanksgiving, traveling, serving, hosting, running, rock hunting, meetings and sleep-overs, I’m still finding time to toss up a blog or two.

2004-09-22T22:49:00.000-07:00

2004-09-12T22:58:00.000-07:00

Beautiful Minds

I would like to welcome Adam Hunt and Michelle Hunt to our blogging community.

2004-08-19T23:50:00.000-07:00

Thank you

I wrote this down last year and swore that I'd post it sometime. With today being the one year anniversary of our flood I thought it appropriate.

Thank you for helping us after the Aug. 19, 2003
“100 Year Flood” wiped out our home

Kelly and Kenny Parker – Picking up our Children, who knows how Kelly got here, and housing us and Kenny came over and removed drywall and cleaned up yard. Kenny helped put up all the drywall in the house.

Joel and Christa Fazzi – Coming over and helping Heidi just after the storm, fixing my computer.

Dennis, Amanda, Ballard – Helping with power and water and putting up temporary boards on block wall hole

Andy “Homer” Andrews – Taking Lucy, being our neighbor, cutting my lawn, helping bend back the pins on bent gate, helping me build my two shelves.

Joe and Debbie Boyd – Housing us and Joe came over to lend moral support and be here for us. Debbie watched all the children to free up Kenny to come help with drywall.

Doug and Cheryl Citizen – Housing and Doug came over and cleaned and did yard work. They also hosted our girls at there house.

Cat, John, Martine and Terese – Kat came over on day one and brought water, some flat nose shovels and lots of support, She and her daughters, helped to scrap off mud under patio, and around pool the first person to show up and be there for us. Kat is my beaver-ific friend.

Monty and Cindy Drew – Moving dirt, bringing over pool pump, cleaning up all the debris in the yard with a back hoe and dump truck, brought ice chest and water for all worked all day Saturday and left the yard looking better that it looked ever.

Tracy and John Hamelmann – Food and offer of their trailer to live in if we needed it, we have since called and asked for it and John is bringing it over Monday. John brought over the trailer and we are now using it as a home school room.

Amy and Dave Carder – Support, coming over, calling us, helping to find us Mark and June, taking care of Caitlin, bringing water for the crew, Dave helped my lift big green onto casters. Dave brought me his left over drywall screws and tape and Dave went to home depot with me to bring home the sheets of drywall.

Mark, June, Cody and Cory Lagor - Strangers coming to help remove baseboards and drywall. Their sons are a blessing. Mark came over and helped put in all the drywall in the house.

Scott and Scott – New friends just happened to be right there when I needed them mucked pool and acid washed

Bill and Caroline Reynolds – Took all nails out of all the base boards and prepped for reinstall, cleaned floors. Caroline watched Bronwyn and Caitlin several times while we regrouped.

Aaron Rico – (Bill Reynolds friend) Took all nail out and cleaned up baseboards

Tommy and Megan – Yard clean up and an incredible work ethic, Tommy rocks, Megan was pregnant and helped clean

Joe Patton – Yard clean up and came up with the suggestion that we could pick up a blown over tree and tie it up. I will never look at that tree the same again

Adam Hunt – Yard clean up

Robb Lentz – Yard clean up, brought over pressure washer and Kirk McCorkle

Kirk McKorkle – General Clean up

Lynn, Ray, Jenny and Melissa Chernoff – taking care of Bronwyn, feeding us dinner and being blood family

Julie and Ken Kalin – taking care of our dog Lucy

Brian Hotman – Removed drywall for hours

Luke Luetkemeyer – Removed drywall for hours

Mark, Johah, Aaron, Nathan Kasarjian – Removed drywall for hours

Robert Laney – Mental support and helped remove snapped chalk lines, removed drywall and bought supplies at Home Depot

Mush – Coming over to clean after several attempts and getting turned away because we were in middle of drywall removal

Sema and Shital – Sema cooked some fantastic Indian food and brought it over to us. Very nice, tasty too!

I know that I missed some people. The clean up continues to be a lesson in patience and love for me. As of today, I'm still putting up baseboards and trying to get back to zero, if that is possible. Once again thanks for the love and hope that my dear friends have brought into our lives and wounded home. I thank God each day for all of you.

2004-08-15T17:54:00.000-07:00

Man of La Mancha

"These were men who saw life as it is, yet they died despairing.
No glory, no gallant last words...only their eyes filled with confusion, whimpering the question: 'Why?'

I do not think they asked why they were dying, but why they had lived. When life itself seems lunatic, who knows where madness lies? Too much sanity may be madness... Perhaps to be practical is madness. And maddest of all, to see life as it is and not as it should be."

Man of La Mancha (1965)

You have two more weekends to see this fantastic piece of theatre. There are so many spiritual lessons about forgiveness, redemption and dreaming. All things that our community has experienced.

2004-08-08T00:39:00.000-07:00

Comments

It is really a risk to put comments on your blog? It seems that some subjects ignite comments that bring about rants or brutal honesty as well as some incredible snippets of comedy. So, along with the pain we get the pleasure. I have read a few national blogs that collect so many comments they have to shut them down. Comments can actually crash servers!

When I get up and start to work I have a pretty set pattern of blog surfing. After a while, I surf past my blog to check to see if anyone has commented on my marginal thoughts. Usually it’s nothing, but I have only recently added comments and I’m a slacker about blogs, so I’m not surprised.

However, someone I know has recently added comments and has equated comments with acceptance. “I don’t get any comments, nobody likes me.” Wow, comments equal love. Hmmmmmmmmm, let’s do some research.

Eszter Hargittai says the definition of a blog is a moving target. This is quite different than love. Although, love can be a moving target too.

Some say blogs with comments make them more democratic, only the author generates the topic. They do allow for criticism and discourse, so comments really make a blog more interactive and maybe more interesting.

Comments allow less control of material presented on the blog, but people who are most engaged with and interested in a post do read the responses from other readers, blomments!

I read another thought on comments. “It always seems a little sad to stumble across a blog with page after page of posts with “Comments (0)” under each one. Even if they do have regular readers, it’s easy for writers to get demoralized and start thinking that the lack of reader-response means that they just don’t care.
Turning comments off allows the pleasant delusion that people would comment if only you allowed them the privilege.” Anonymous

Hey there is that anonymous person showing up again. That person sure stays busy.

So comment away, anonymous, friend or foe. It will either add spice to our lives or frustration to our honesty.

2004-08-05T15:07:00.000-07:00

New Bloggers

I’d like to be one of the first of our dysfunctional blogging community to officially welcome two beautiful minds, Jeremy Ohl, a voice crying in the wilderness and Amy Carder a friend beyond all measure.

Enjoy these two wonderful individuals as they grapple with life and share it with the world

2004-08-04T14:59:00.000-07:00

Friday the 13th

Join our family as we go to the Aug. 13th show of Man of La Mancha at Spring Mountain Ranch. Our very own Sean Critchfield is playing Sancho and the other cast members that I have met are equally talented. It is a beautiful outdoor theatre with a large grassy area and it is all in shade at that time of day.

They have some tickets at the gate if you can't get any. The gates open at 6 p.m. and the show starts at 8 p.m.. The trick is to get to the gates at about 5:45 and be the first 100 or so people in. That way you get a section of grass close to the stage. It is always best to be able to see the eyes of the talent.

If you come, look for our family down front...

2004-08-03T21:11:00.000-07:00

Politics

I am a political junkie and will occasionally comment on the state of the union.

I love politics. I loved watching the Democratic convention; it was political theatre at its best. It inspired me as well as made me want to pull what’s left of my hair out. I was very impressed with all the speakers and was happy to see the left jump to the middle.

On a lighter note, I stumbled across this fantastic comedy piece featuring Will Ferrell as President Bush. This is a must see if you are a fan of Will Ferrell’s Bush impersonation. Good Stuff.

On another note I ran across this fascinating website about Swift Boat Veterans for Truth. A group of Swift Boat Vets have written a book called Unfit for Command, Swift Boat Veterans speak out against John Kerry.

2004-07-31T00:22:00.000-07:00

Dress Up

Sometimes it's quiet, very quiet around my house. You wonder what are those kids up to?

2004-07-20T16:49:00.000-07:00

46 Degree's of Separation

July 18th was full of expectations, forty-six of them. You see, on the other side of forty-five is forty-six. Being a geometry lover, I am now one degree past the halfway mark in life. That is it baby, I’m on the downside segment of the big right angle, if God is gracious enough to let me live that long. Being forty-six is so close to death that I can see a faint shimmer of light off the curled scythe luring me to get my age on.

You see, way back when I was forty-five, I could lie to myself and say that I was in my early forties, a stud, a entrepreneur, a bonvivant. Now I’m steamrolling towards the half century mark like a sprinter on steroids. Usually, on my birthday’s, I briefly reflect on my life to perhaps glean some bit of wisdom from my advancing years and I now realize my significant accomplishments can be measured on one hand, with two missing fingers. My wife and my children are it. No Eagle Scout, athletic scholarship, star search winning, creative direction can compare to familial love.

Now I realize my dreams and my aspirations only serve as distractions for a life that is intended for higher purposes. Looking back at my life to search for some crumb of self exaltation serves no purpose. “What is behind you is not important”, a pilot friend of mine once told me. I can only learn from my many mistakes and move on fast, because I’ll make more. It is up to someone else to keep that list, my house is too small, plus God promised me he can’t remember me ever having one.

I have a friend who says he has lived his entire life with no regrets. He doesn’t even know what regret is? WOW! That is huge. I have spend entirely too much time with should haves and could haves, continually second guessing every choice I make exhausts me, perhaps burning calories, but not in a positive way. I think I’ll try the second half of my life differently, with a clean slate, 46 degrees of Jubilation!

2004-07-15T11:54:00.000-07:00

2004-06-28T23:01:00.000-07:00

The Audition

Through a series of events I ended up auditioning for Man of La Mancha this evening. It was awesome, the pianist played, I sang, the actors read, I acted. I may not get the part but I did find something much more. I re-connected with a part of me that was buried. My performer’s soul was buried because of the changing seasons of a family man’s life. Performing in the theatre was once my only passion. I moved to L.A to be an actor and ended up in Las Vegas dancing on the Strip. It’s funny, but the audition process has not changed one bit, but I have. Now I am a mature leading man with a song in his heart and a family at home that will love me even if I'm not a lyrical baritone. That is the big difference from my last stretch of performing life. It was just me being all about me. Now it is about freedom and peace. The freedom to know I don’t have to do it and the peace to know that it’s O.K. if I do. I've got a lot of work to do to get back into performing shape, literally and figuratively. But I did enjoy getting back into the game and I look forward to the next opportunity.

2004-06-20T01:20:00.000-07:00

..

Sound Familiar

Read on

2004-06-18T11:56:00.000-07:00

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Fathers

I am sad that Ramone's father passed away. It had been a difficult journey for him and his family. I am happy that Felix is Home with the Father. I was on a plane yesterday and saw this article and my heart was flooded with compassion for Ramone, thoughts of my father and fatherhood in general. Here is what I read.

Eulogy for My Father
This month's letter from the editor.

From: Issue 84 | July 2004, Page 14 By: John A. Byrne

For the first time in my life, I'll celebrate Father's Day this year without my dad. The man who had the most influence on the man I became passed away on April 14. Jack Byrne was 79.

It has been said that the loss of a parent is one of life's most traumatic events. I now know the devastating truth of that statement. I've been told that, in time, the hurt will fade, only to be replaced by positive memories that soothe the soul. Already, I can feel that happening.

Maybe it's because my father and I had a simple and loving relationship. He was a remarkably good man, like many of the inspiring role models and mentors who frequently appear in Fast Company 's pages. Like them, he was a person of devotion and integrity, a man who understood a hard day's work. Yet, unlike most of them, he never had the advantage of a college education. He worked pretty much his entire life in two places: a dye house and a post-office sorting facility.

His core accomplishment was family. And as his only child, I was the lucky beneficiary. My father poured vast amounts of love and energy into me during my most formative years. That is why I measure his life in the warehouse of photographs and movies he created for me. It is why I measure it in the size of his hands. Because what I remember most about my father are those sandpaper-rough hands, made rugged from factory work. From my earliest days, he took my hand in his and we discovered the world together.

With his hand in mine, we walked through New York's Times Square. We went to Tad's Steakhouse, where you could get a T-bone, a baked potato, a hunk of garlic bread, and a tossed salad for $2.79. We went to my grandmother's house on Saturday afternoons for endless games of gin rummy, Parcheesi, and Chinese checkers. We went for long hikes on Sunday afternoons, through the nearby woods. We hitchhiked together. We played music together -- he on a keyboard, me on a drum kit. We strolled the railroad tracks together in Paterson, New Jersey, laying pennies on the rails and waiting for the train to pass so we could use the flattened coins for guitar picks.

We fished together, in rowboats, off riverbanks and bridges, in rivers and lakes, with worms and fish eggs, and lures and flies. We went to Yankee Stadium on bat days. We went to Radio City Music Hall for the Christmas shows. We often rode the subway out to Coney Island for a day at the beach. For many summers, we went to a lonely cabin in the woods in Greenwood Lake, New York. We went to the Steel Pier in Atlantic City to see Louis Armstrong.

And I remember these things as if we had done them all last weekend -- because we did them again and again and again, his outstretched hand leading me everywhere. I remember my times with my father as vividly as a great piece of music where you know every word, every note, every solo taken by every member of the band. You know it until it becomes part of you, until it becomes you.

He did that for me, and because he did, we will always travel together. As my father neared death, I put my hand in his as often as I could. I wanted him to know that I was with him on his final journey on earth.

The loss of my father has been painful, yet also strangely reaffirming because it has made me ever more aware of the rewards of our wonderful partnership. Perhaps the most consoling words came from a Fast Company colleague who has known me for less than a year: "Think of the legacy he left you -- a curiosity about life, a hunger for knowledge, a passion for the outdoors, an example of a life whose riches owe little to money, a sense that anything is possible if you work hard, a model of what a father should be. Those are all great gifts."

As he lay dying in a hospice bed, his last conscious words to me echoed my last words to him.

"I love you."

The words were spoken just days before his death, a beautiful and a complete ending to a remarkable relationship.

2004-06-18T11:52:00.000-07:00

..

Sound Familiar
Read on

2004-06-04T00:21:00.000-07:00

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20 Years

Today is special. Today is about commitment. Being committed is unique in today’s culture. I see people that crave experiences, run themselves ragged and jump ship when the going gets tough. I see an impatient generation brought up on television that has lost its ability to simply loose track of time. Time is an investment with great returns; depth, focus and clarity. Time is a commitment.

An era has just flown by in my life. I seem the same, but everything around me begs to differ. My hair, my wrinkles, my belly, my children, they are daily reminders of a steady relentless march towards Zion. It seems like just yesterday that I watched a vibrant, spicy, redhead glide down an old carpeted hallway at a Baptist Church in Las Vegas. She was slowing floating between the pews with an angelic aura glowing all around her body. She is the same. She is my spicy angel.

So how do you stay married 20 years? Well, it’s with one glorious, mystical, magical day at a time that’s how. Some seasons we have struggled, some seasons we have strived and some we have coasted, but through all the seasons we have grown. Heidi and I are committed to the journey for the long haul, excited about the voyage, knowing that the finest things come with time invested in each other and a spiritual committed relationship with our Jesus.

So, 20 years is a long time, but in eternity it's one simple heartbeat, so now you know what I was trying to describe, it seems that just yesterday…

Love is a symbol of eternity. It wipes out all sense of time, destroying all memory of a beginning and all fear of an end. ~Author Unknown

True love stories never have endings. ~Richard Bach
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2004-05-05T01:01:00.000-07:00

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300lb Cucumbers

Things I've been processing.

1. Joe's an actor, get over it.
2. I love Cheryl Citizen's Blog...a beautiful mind.
3. Too much emphasis is placed on the how instead of the Who.
4. I don't play enough.
5. Vacations are fun. Vacations are stressful.
6. Horses are cool.
7. Institutionalization is a hard habit to break.
8. The best witness we can be as a church is to love each other.
9. Forgive often.
10. Be available.

2004-03-17T00:03:00.000-08:00

The Day the Colors Changed

Kelly’s mom died and it has caused me to remember times when my mother was alive and how much I miss her. Mothers are not supposed to die, they are to be forever.

I remember the phone call from my sister, walking around in disbelief, trying to make arrangements to fly home and trying to figuring out what I could have done to save her. I will never forget waking up the next day and seeing that all the colors had changed. The greens were not green the blues were not blue. It was as if I was on a different planet, a parallel universe, all the same but very different.

I keep in mind that awful moment only as a gateway to remembering the times when she surpassed being human and transcended to motherhood. Loving me, watching me and believing in me.

She was flawed indeed, broken, bruised and wounded as we all are, but she was Mom. You will always be missed.

Motherless Child

Sometimes I feel
Like a motherless child
Sometimes I feel
Like a motherless child

Sometimes I wish I could fly,
Like a bird up in the sky
Sometimes I wish I could fly,
Like a bird in the sky
Little closer to home

Motherless children
Have a real hard time
Motherless children
Have a such a real hard time
So long so long so long

Sometimes I feel
Like a motherless child
Sometimes I feel
Like a motherless child
So far away

Sometimes I feel
Like freedom is near
Sometimes I feel
Like freedom is near
But we're so far away

Sometimes I feel
Like it's close at hand
Sometimes I feel
Like the freedom is near
But we're so far from home

Sometimes, sometimes,
Sometimes
So far, so far, so far,
So far Mama from you, so far

Harry Thacker Burleigh, (1866-1949)

2004-03-17T00:01:00.000-08:00

2004-03-05T22:46:00.000-08:00

Will you still love me?

If I leave
If I lie
If I stay
If I cry

If I try something new
If I am somewhat like you

Should I stay, should I go?
It doesn’t matter because I know

You love me.

.

2004-02-25T23:01:00.000-08:00

..
Things I like about France:

1. Being greeted with, “Bonjour.”
2. Cappuccino
3. Croissants
4. Bordeaux
5. Walking
6. Baguettes

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2004-01-26T10:46:00.000-08:00

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The Biz

To Joe,

"The entertainment business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs.

There's also a negative side."

Hunter S. Thompson

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2004-01-12T00:39:00.000-08:00

It's the Community"

Is landscaping church?

My friend Dave needed some help and by a scheduling miracle I had the spare day and the strength to do so. It was the most beautiful day one could dream of in Las Vegas, cool 65 degrees and no wind. Some shovels, wheelbarrows, rakes and one God blessed backhoe. Hard work, fellowship, sweat, blood, tears, all in a day's work sharing the gospel.

Fellowship comes in many forms, some formal, some informal. Some planned some spontaneous. Some come at the end of a five foot shovel. One thing they all have in common is two or more are gathered together. We didn't dig deep, but we dug together. We had a goal and we came close to finishing it. We helped a brother.

The Carder house has been a blessing to the Apex community. It has housed more strangers, (some stranger than others) feed more hungry and held up the Apex mission as best as it could. Dave and Amy are true community people and it is a blessing to help them and a blessing to me to give back to our community of Christians, when so many people gave to our family during our disastrous flood in August.

It is in that thin fragile connection between people where Jesus does His work.

2003-12-28T22:12:00.000-08:00

Where's Kenny?

I need The Soundtrack it inspires me, lifts me, makes me whole. Say it, sing it, and write it down man. Insignificant thoughts are not wasted on your tribe.

Give us the whole hog full frontal blog, more often.

Peace out.

2003-12-26T12:45:00.000-08:00

Top 10 Things I Love about Christmas

10. Purchasing things I normally wouldn't
09. Christmas Trees
08. Family
07. Friends
06. Christmas Cards
05. Sparkly Lights
04. Watching your children play
03. Candy
02. Food
01. The chance to celebrate
..

2003-12-23T01:18:00.000-08:00

Top 10 Things I hate about Christmas

10. Purchasing things I normally wouldn't buy, this reinforces the idea that excess is normal.
9. Christmas trees are messy and heavy.
8. Expectations are high and rarely met.
7. Wrapping presents, someone please invent spray on wrapping.
6. Shopping, way too many choices, colors, lights, textures, buttons, features.
5. Waiting until the last minute to shop, Christmas Eve at Wal-Mart, anyone?
4. Failing to get out a single Christmas card not even an email, oh the guilt.
3. Way too much to do in such a short period of time, as if I didn't already have the list from hell, here's one more.
2. It is the busiest time of year for my company. Clients take wonderful vacations while I crank out work for them to review when they return refreshed.
1. I love all of it.

2003-12-16T10:25:00.000-08:00

Spiderman

This is for you Doug.

2003-12-15T22:52:00.000-08:00

The Cast

(from left to right) Doug, Sia, Vel, Joe & Tommy

My favorite XCon lines

Jimbo: "Ok, It's over between you and me, Ray."
Jamie: "I've got to pee."
Althea: "It's symbolic; everyone's has trouble with their hair."
Bill: "I'm unplugged."
Ray: "I don't think you’re suppose to mix that stuff."

For all who missed "A Christmas of Convenience" do not fear, we (Saga) are bringing it back next year. It was a joy to watch all 6 shows and see the evolution of an incredible cast.

So many people start out to do something and never get it done. This year Saga Storytellers have written, produced and performed three original theatrical productions. I have had the pleasure of being involved with each one. We have laughed, cried, and most important bonded. It reminded me what a incredible art form theatre is and how it draws together people.

To all my Saga soul mates, I say bravo!

2003-12-12T23:12:00.000-08:00

Dead Coyotes

You never know what you will find in the Las Vegas desert. On a recent bike ride we were shown this scene. Four dead, decaying coyotes. I can only imagine what happened to these creatures. Perhaps they were in the wrong place at the wrong time. Perhaps just target practice. Who knows. It just seemed wrong, yet I was drawn back to take this photograph. Poor creatures.

2003-11-26T15:07:00.000-08:00

Friends and thinking things

I am a loner. I sit in front of my computer way to much. I don't play games, I don't surf for fun. I turned off my computer for all of last weekend. My family bet I couldn't do it, but I did. I went on a bike ride with the girls, planted some trees, and buffed the floors. It was still a lot of doing, but no computer. It was nice.

The best thing about A Christmas of Convenience is that I see my friends. Just imagine Doug, Tommy, Sia, Vel and Joe acting! The real show is at the rehearsals. I just get to try to fine tune the madness. Kenny and I crack up at them all the time. I miss all my Saga peeps!

Jeremy and Lori Ohl shared their beautiful thoughts with us last night at the memorial, I cried. Jesus loves us; Jesus is always with us, just so we can carry on.

Jeremy once asked me what I wanted to do. You know with your life. I didn't have an answer. I don't know. I always want to be deeply involved with my family and friends and that is enough for me. God will provide the rest and I will carry on.

2003-11-12T09:43:00.000-08:00

MUD

If you have ever walked through the “guy mall” you may have noticed a square box way in the back filled with mud. Yes, I mean mud at Home Depot, the good stuff. The kind you repair drywall with. If you look closer you with see an ichthys (fish symbol) on this cardboard box filled with mud. With all the remodeling that we’ve done, a few of these boxes have passed through our home this past year. But it took the advise of a Christian carpenter to say flip it over and read the scripture.

Water gives life, water brings destruction. Mud is messy; mud can heal a wound in your wall.

Sometimes ordinary brown boxes full of mud can reveal beauty and truth if you look a little closer.

2003-11-05T01:08:00.000-08:00

True Colors

Floods suck. Water can mess your house up, big time. It’s been 10 weeks and we are still scratching our way back to zero. Our walls have been mudded, taped, and textured and we are now painting. After the paint, we must refinish the floors and attach the baseboards. Hopefully by Christmas we can push the furniture back against the walls.

Colors are a reflection of who we are. Heidi likes colors, lots of colors. She pick’s them and I paint them. I like colors too. Here is a sample of our colors.

Pearl Grey – Master bedroom, Silver/grey is the color of peace and persistence.
Jersey Cream – Living room, Yellow are the color of intellect and is used for mental stimulation.
Tea Bath – Dining Room wall, living room wall, entrance, nice accent color
Mustard Grain – Kitchen and Family Room, Yellow is also associated with joy and happiness.
Mineral Green – Girls Bedrooms, Green is the color of harmony and balance. It is good for tired nerves.
Squash Blossom – Master Bathroom, no comment
Flax – Bay window, nice earthy color
Mossy Rock – Bathroom, who knows

To My Heidi
I see your true colors
And that's why I love you
So don't be afraid to let them show
Your true colors
True colors are beautiful ,
Like a rainbow
Cyndi Lauper

2003-10-09T08:51:00.000-07:00

Hugger

Have you ever met a person that hug's really good? I mean, think back, those hug that make you feel like you are a kid again. Are you ever really too old to appreciate a good hug? No, hugs are a gift from God.

One of my favorite huggers is Paul, and now Paul is a blogger too! Imagine that a hugger, blogger and father of soon to be three. His lovely young bride is my neice Jamey. Paul and Jamey are former Apex members who moved to Sparks from Las Vegas.

Paul is a quality person, he is family and I'm sure he will bring his unique insights to our growing blog community.

2003-10-04T00:15:00.000-07:00

The Ooze

Detoxing from Church
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2003-09-24T23:36:00.000-07:00

Only because they didn't have an X.

Hey, every once in a while you gotta be true to yourself. The only thing I never really did was violence. I was a lover not a fighter. I would much rather abuse myself than others. But, all that is behind me. Now, all the "R" rated stuff just rattles around in my head and bursts out when my outer cool and inner rage clash, daily, hourly...

Take the test, it's good for a chuckle.
What is your life rated?

2003-09-23T11:15:00.000-07:00

Mud Pies

Life is an endless string of moments lost.

As a “grown-up” I’ve accumulated fears and to-do lists. After “the flood” my list got longer and snarled. I’ve been functioning at an intensity I’ve never experienced because I have the dysfunctional instinct to fix it all “better than it was before.” Life is not fun. Life is a list.

Floods are dirty. Dirt and water make mud. Mud needs to be cleaned up. Mud can also be made into pies and dirt balls. Bronwyn, my six year old, engaged me to not fear the mud but embrace it. “Come make mud pies with me Daddy!” she exclaimed over and over again until finally, after I had worn out every “adult” excuse to not play in the mud, I did. I squished it, patted it, rolled it, and dripped it all while having a grand conversion with my daughter. It was heaven on earth. Earth, dirt, water, and mud make fun. When did I forget that?

Children are Gods gifts to our lists. Children are Gods gifts to our selfish focus. For children, engagement is love. I guess for everyone engagement is love.

Matthew 19 – 14
Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these."

Thanks JC for mud pie moments.

2003-09-21T00:17:00.000-07:00

I have decided to create a new blog look. My old look was just too damn scary and I was getting bored with the edgy black thing. So, I dug around for some free blog skins and found this one. I did some modifications and bingo, the new me. Blogalicious!

Because the new did not fit the old format, I deleted all my old blogs. I got a chance to read a few of my old posts and remember the brilliant musings of a Las Vegas bohemian. Frankly it is no great loss and I hope to be more prolific in the future.

So I start fresh and anew with new big thoughts and a simple look.